Work in Progress

(This year is too bright I can't even open my eyes that wide, Sydney 2019)

Jakarta has her Mr. Blue Sky for the past few days which of course makes my day and help me to ponder more for 2020.

Reflections and commitments for the new year. This time I won't focus too much on career, travel goals or even certain materials/funds I need to acquire. It more towards habits, character, and attitude that I want to focus on growing. Focusing more on the process instead of the destination because it's a long way down the road.

1. Excellence > Perfection
Believe I am not alone on this. I were and am a firm believer of perfections and high standard. In a way, most of my task at work requires me to be as perfect as possible. Questioning all the possible risk and uncertainties. I am glad I have this eagle eyes to spot typos, biased and fluffy wordings, and even inconsistent data in a report. But hey, yes it is a strength but my mentors (Dk and Tg) reminded me that all our  strengths need to be used in the right ratio. Not too perfectionist but not too woles woles aja. And I have learnt this the hard way this year, perfection is not the answer to everything. Especially when it comes to life. Not everyone can deal and just accept the perfectionist nature because in my mindset it will be: good is not enough and it has never been a plus but minus. Hence the commitment: value the process and seek excellence result not perfection. At the end nobody is perfect only Jesus (am not kidding :P).

2. "It's okay not to be okay"
This is hard, related to the first point and how I am raised as a first born. Somehow someway I am not tolerated for even a single points of error in life especially when taking care of my siblings back when we were all still at school. Even when my world is falling apart, I should still give that sweet smile and tell the world: I can conquer this. You know it's tiring and sickening inside to act ok when you are not ok. Cherry on top, such a prideful soul. My commitment is to be more vulnerable and honest, first towards myself and the people I treasure. I remember this sentence from Sunday sermon: if you are discouraged, it shows you are prideful because it shows that you trust in your own powers.

3. "Smile even there is no sun shine"
Failures (more to: not there yet), errors, and mistakes? Of course I am doing it every day and the same with people surrounding me. Again, even robots need test and learn phase until they can perform certain functions with low rate of error. Humans are more wonderful than robots obviously, with mistakes and failures we learn, adapt, and overcome. Somehow it's very hard for me to accept mistakes in my life especially for things that are under my control. Sounds cliche, but my commitment is I will laugh and smile at my own silliness. Making mistakes simply show I am just a human duh.

There are many other personal goals and I believe 2020 will be another year where He called me to run in a new different speed, phase, and environment. But, before all the running I just need to make sure I am ready with a more mature character, wiser attitude, and habit. It's a work in progress.

Here's a bit of my Spotify playlist to close 2019 and enter the new adventure in 2020.

Five Years Later and

I remember writing down in one of the post how I have been longing to go for Sydney for my grad school. Going back to Jakarta from Beijing on 2016, I know I am just on transit mode. Just like many other fresh grads, settling back home after years abroad has never been easy, we will find many different reason to escape and find some alternatives.

Long story short I did not go for my grad school on 2016, there are days when my close friends would ask me "When are you leaving to Sydney?" which made my reverse culture shock worsen and of course I played the blame game and compare my life to others who can get the direct golden ticket to grad school, "But why not me, Lord? Am I not good enough?"

For the past 3 years settling down in Jakarta, little that I know that He has orchestrated something on the backstage. Two month ago, I am favoured to actually receive the opportunity to fly to Sydney and work there for a month time. I remembered during my ferry trip to Watson's bay - I am just amazed how unlikely and amazing His way is. Not because "I finally get to step my feet in Sydney" but rather on the process, purification, and pruning He has been working in my life. I know I never deserve this favour.

Here are glimpse of the favours, it took me five years to understand the reason why He did not allow to go from the first place.

Contentment Jar

Somehow someway grateful enough that I am completely down with fever today, a well deserved sick leave from the office and just having a complete rest at home.

Like many other writer, I have been longing to share my thought on this platform but the Monday-Friday office life and weekend motto "give me yoga and sleep" ends up I barely pour my reflection here.

Well its almost mid 2019, life has been surreal different ever since my siblings are away for university and its actually been a year time since I stepped my foot on the unlikely corporate journey. Finally settling down with home church and a new cell group early this year - I can't be more grateful to finally find a new support system and new care cell family. That itself does not guarantee the Jakarta life is anti-roller coaster. I was pretty mad and disappointed at myself at the end of my first graduate trainee rotation, my rationale brain keeps on telling myself to fight and seek for explanation until I came to the realisation that all this will gradually keep my "contentment jar" empty. Perhaps this too contribute why I have been ill every month which at the end I conclude - its damn not worth it. It is completely not worth it to forsake my wellbeing in the name of work. Although up until today, there are days when I can't find enough motivation to go to office in the morning, that lost feeling in the middle of the days... hang on there there is always the bright side of everything friends!

Here is the truth that keeps me going till today despite all the mental and spiritual breakdown in the middle of the way. And here are some glimpse of my recent trip with this jolly tall lady to Singapore last month. Weekend getaway surely recharges!

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" - Exodus 14:14